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  • Writer's pictureFarhana Goga

Encounter Centred Couples Therapy: A gateway to connection

A 2 day intensive, to deepen your connection and understanding with your lover. 

A one liner about relationships - it is knowing and understanding the dance of space and closeness. 

Space is part of creating desire, and curiosity,  which all relationships need. The shadow side of too much space, too much independence, too much of doing your own things without a shared vision, leads to loneliness, feelings of not enoughness, and disconnection. 

What happens in time with couples, is we lose the vision, we become so caught up in the day to day, the individual aspirations, the kids, the chores, the errands that we forget that actually this is the person we have chosen to be with, the person we want to do life with. The rest of it, is noice, very loud, can’t be ignored, must be included noise.

And with that, comes the disconnection, the conflict, the screaming, the feeling not seen, heard, and fighting for space. Often (generalising here) the woman is screaming and crying, the man feels overwhelmed, and withdraws.

Both are fighting for the relationship, both are fighting for themselves, both are wondering what they have done.

When couples have been together for a long time, or are going through a really tough time, what they are asking is “are you there for me”. With that is the question of “is this safe”... 

This is the closeness part of a relationship. 

Both men and women have a role and learnings to play to create a fulfilling, wholesome, fun, safe and caring relationship, with a great intimate life.

A man needs to be in his masculine power (this is different to roles and patriarchy) and a woman in her feminine power (different to roles and bi***y). 

The things in () need to be thrown out the window… Men need to give freely, and also truly hold the space for woman in all their emotional expressions. Because (to all the men reading this) women are going to randomly cry, and need and emotional release - all they need from you, is for you to be there, holding, listening. But I digress…and I can write more on that another day!

The journey through Encounter Centred Couples therapy is one of vulnerability and willingness to be forever changed…

We begin with creating a shared vision of what you desire. 

We then go on a journey, an encounter of discovery… when someone (lets say partner A) is triggered, or hurt, or has a reaction, or are wanting to talk about something, for the most part (there are exceptions) 90% of it belongs to them, and 10% sits with the other person (Partner B).

Our job as Partner B is to be able to hear what Partner A is deeply sharing. Our job as Partner A is to remember that Partner B is not intentionally setting out to upset us, partner B is likely to have things going on for them to, that they may be pondering too. 

Both need to remember that this is about connection, love and vulnerability, to be heard, seen, there is space for both, and there is likely a way…

With EcCT, we teach you how to cross over the bridge, to leave yourself behind, and to enter the neighbourhood of your partner. There are many neighbourhoods in each of us. There’s a neighbourhood of vision, a neighbourhood of family, of being a parent, of being a lover, and there is a neighbourhood for the issue that you are working through. Both people will have neighbourhoods and sometimes the neighbourhoods may be battling between you both. 

Through EcCT, we cross over the bridge, and once you visit the neighbourhood, sharing the vulnerability (not the need, or want, but the experience of it), the visiting partner is forever changed, and the neighbourhood is forever changed too. 

Taking this new visceral experience, we can cross over, forever changed. 

When both go on this journey, the situation changes itself, love deepens, desire deepens, joy deepens.

This is not for the faint-hearted, it will forever change the way you see your partner, yourself, your relationship and the way you communicate. 

This is the core of the process, to facilitate deep change and connection.

We also then look at how to bring this into your daily life, and how to really know how your partner feels loved. 

You get a pre-session and a post-session and a report. It can be done online if you are not in Jhb, though we spread it out, or make it a gift to your relationship and fly in.

Cost: R35 000 - email me to set up a call if you want more information. 

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